I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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