I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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