i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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