at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
