either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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