I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
