You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize