Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
