I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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