thus making me awesome and them whores
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
