woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
