Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.