More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude i'm inner monologue high
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
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Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.