I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3