God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
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Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.