Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
