oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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