Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
