don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My bed smells like the plague
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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