Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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