Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
