Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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