my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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