just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone signed my nipple.
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