Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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