Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
