I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
