Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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