Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
