So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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