proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he thought i was a dude.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
