Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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