dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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