Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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