I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he puts the penis in happiness.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
