Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A+ Viking dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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