He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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