The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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