so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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