You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
