Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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