my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
