i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
