We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize