I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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