a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
