Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
