She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
