i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
