Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
