I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize