....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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