drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
