Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
