My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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