She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
