Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
