I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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