I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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