Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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