there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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