Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
