He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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