We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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