Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
