textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize