She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize