Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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