im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
sarcasm needs its own font
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
